Buried this deep in nostalgia, Jurassic World: Dominion might as well be encased in amber

Screen Shot 2022 06 07 At 112319 Pm

Jurassic World: Dominion. // Courtesy Universal Pictures

Jurassic World: Dominion is not good.

Is Jurassic World: Dominion at least fun? We didn’t come here expecting it to be good, but certainly it is at least dumb fun, right?

Right? Right?

Dear reader… I have such terrible news.

Jurassic World: Dominion is the final entry to the Jurassic World trilogy. It stars Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, DeWanda Wise, Mamoudou Athie, Isabella Sermon, BD Wong, Campbell Scott, Omar Sy, Justice Smith, Daniella Pineda, and more. The stars of the original Jurassic Park also return, with Laura Dern, Sam Neill, and Jeff Goldblum all reprising their famous roles.

And thus, with that list of cast members, we can conclude the highlights of what you might see today on the big screen, should you choose to venture out for this. Beyond that list of people that you might feel a modicum of excitement to see returning to characters you once enjoyed, there is little else to celebrate.

Normally I would be prefacing the rest of this review with a “Your Mileage May Vary” in regards to how much enjoyment you might derive from a braindead summer action film. But this is maybe that point where I finally cross a line that I sincerely thought I would never broach. Folks who saw a Star Wars or a Ghostbusters or and said that it was so bad it ruined what came before it… I shan’t claim I don’t understand your perspective any longer. There are few things worse than watching someone force-feed you all the same things that you’ve seen before, but while also somehow completely screwing the pooch.

It’s not that Jurassic World: Dominion is bad. It’s that Jurassic World: Dominion is a wet fart, and a lot of pleasant memories which fans hold dear get crop-dusted by it.

This review at one point ran 3000 words. You know what? Doesn’t need more of an explanation than that. If you’re seeing this to see the end of the series, I don’t blame you, but understand that you are seeing the end of the series.

Categories: Movies