Daily Briefs: WHOOPS, the econocalypse has been canceled.

By CHRIS PACKHAM

%{[ data-embed-type=”image” data-embed-id=”57150c4689121ca96b961247″ data-embed-element=”aside” ]}%Over my usual breakfast of coffee, Hydroxycut and a fistful of creatine powder, I learned that the Dow has jumped up 11 percent this week. So, the econocalypse is obviously over. You can all emerge from your underground armageddon shelters, y’all, it’s totally starting to smell like a gym towel in there. I guess gym-towel-smelling Ayn Rand was right! Maybe we should start herding up all the poors and the olds, now, and sequestering them in “Happy Camps” on the outskirts of Enlightened Self-Interest. “Circle today as one of those days that the fundamental issues trumped panic and fear,” says one fancy fucking know-it-all analyst. Meaning, “circle yesterday,” he was totally talking about yesterday. The Dow is not the economy, though, just judging from my net worth, which tends not to fluctuate at all, so I’m still planning to celebrate a frugal Christmas festivus this year by giving all my friends URLs to funny websites as presents.

After the jump, some discussion of national politics and fun shows on the teevee. Click here or here:

Categories: News