Boulevard’s new hard seltzer ‘Quirk’ line has three flavors and I remember tasting most of them

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Boulevard makes hard seltzers now. I sampled them. Here is my review. I am writing a review after drinking them. I”M FINEEE MOM, STOP ASKING. I’m just so proud of my city for having a hard bubbles and I’m not crying you’re crying,

I may have been sober for a period before this and had three drinks kick in harder than I expected and I got the tallboy cans.

Blackberry Sage

This is made with real juice. Apparently they’re all made with real juice. This one is made with the juice of blackberry sage. Does sage have a juice? I dunno man. But it has bubbles! It has hints of nothing. It tastes like the color blue. This isn’t a condemnation. While I know “blue” as a flavor almost entirely does not exist in the universe, it remains fine by me, and I don’t care where I get it from. Yeah, I’m that basic bitch ordering “Ocean Water” from Sonic. I’m berry good at this shit. The sage element… that’s where this closes the deal. I’m not fully sure that the flavor of sage is but I 100% believe it exists here. This is peak sage, in my opinion. The sage would ward off evil spirits. My sister, who is drinking this with me but who is not as weird as me, insists that this is her favorite flavor because it tastes “nice” but I dunno. Let’s see. We have work to do.

Pear Yuzu

No one knows what Yuzu means. Yuzu what I mean? Just kidding. But I am drinking this and I do not know what it is supposed to be. I mean I understand “pear” as a concept but not the rest. Google says Yuzu is a Chinese citrus. Wow. Ok. We’re just betraying America right now? JK. There’s nothing here to be betrayed. Let’s keep getting into this. MMMMMMM. Big fan. This and the basil experiment are both delights. I prefer both of these to White Claws. And that’s not just in defense of KC businesses, that’s just like… this tastes way better!

I like this one. The taste is fine. When I burp, I burp a pear flavor. If you haven’t burped pear before, it is very comforting? I feel relaxed. This was like a trip to the spa for my throat.

It’s genuinely good. I don’t prefer this over the magic of basil, but I do prefer this over any other brand’s hard seltzer I’ve taken on in recent months. This is less the pear / foreign fruit name it is presented as and more of a minty flavor? If your cig of choice is a menthol, get a palette of this.

Third Flavor

The novel tells the story of a teenage runaway named only as “the kid”, who was born in Tennessee during the famously active Leonids meteor shower of 1833. He first meets the enormous and hairless Judge Holden at a religious revival in a tent in Nacogdoches, Texas: Holden falsely accuses the preacher of pedophilia and bestiality, inciting the audience to attack him.

After a violent encounter with a bartender establishes the kid as a formidable fighter, he joins a party of ill-equipped U.S. Army irregulars on a filibustering mission led by a Captain White. Failing to stay clear of a huge herd of rustled and stolen animals, White’s group is overwhelmed by an accompanying group of hundreds of Comanche warriors. Few of them survive. Arrested as a filibuster in Chihuahua, the kid is set free when his acquaintance Toadvine tells the authorities they will make useful Indian hunters for the state’s newly hired scalp hunting operation. They join Glanton and his gang, and the bulk of the novel is devoted to detailing their activities and conversations. The gang encounters a traveling carnival, and, in untranslated Spanish, several of their fortunes are told with Tarot cards. The gang originally contract with various regional leaders to protect locals from marauding Apaches and are given a bounty for each scalp they recover. Before long, however, they devolve into the outright murder of unthreatening Indians, unprotected Mexican villages, and eventually even the Mexican army and anyone else who crosses their path.

Throughout the novel Holden is presented as a profoundly mysterious and awe-inspiring figure; the others seem to regard him as not quite human. Like the historical Holden of Chamberlain’s autobiography, he is a child-killer. According to the kid’s new companion Ben Tobin, an “ex-priest“, the Glanton gang first met the judge while fleeing for their lives from a much larger Apache group. In the middle of a blasted desert, they found Holden sitting on an enormous boulder, where he seemed to be waiting for the gang. In a scene with distinctly Faustian overtones, they agreed to follow his leadership, and he took them to an extinct volcano, where, astoundingly, he instructed the ragged, desperate gang on how to manufacture gunpowder, enough to give them the advantage against the Apaches. When the kid remembers seeing Holden in Nacogdoches, Tobin tells the kid that each man in the gang claims to have met the judge before he joined the Glanton Gang.

And that’s Cormac McCarthy’s “Blood Meridian.” I highly recommend it!

Oh this flavor is “Strawberry Lemon & Basil.” It’s a B+. I would buy it again. The “Blood Meridian” of KC Hard Seltzers!

Categories: Beer & Spirits