Foods I don’t wish to eat from a can

Canned food is essential. For most dinners I prepare, canned beans or tomatoes factor in to some degree. In addition, I’ve seen enough apocalypse movies to know that canned food will be the difference between making it and becoming a zombie.

But in seeking to provide us with a range of culinary options, some canned-goods manufacturers are taking the product line too far. Kansas Citians should be especially offended by Ribs In a Can.

Gizmodo stumbled Armour’s vintage ad for canned ribs that were “smoked, sauced, and cooked.” The two-and-a-half pound can crows that the barbecue sauce “never saw the inside of a bottle.” Just the inside of a can?

So for this week’s Top 5, Fat City decided to look at the five canned foods that I might eat only if they were the last things in the supermarket in a postapocalytic world. I limited it to foods that would definitely be available in the United States and could possibly be on the shelves. Consider ribs in a can to be #5.