Whack Fol, Y’all

Traditional Irish music possesses many outstanding qualities — most notably, lyrics that are easy to remember and melodies that encourage clapping along (two things that are way fun when you’re on beer No. 11). But no one wants to be the guy who’s loudly and mistakenly belting, Crack-whore, my daddy-o, there’s whiskey in the bar! So before attending the Irish Fest at Crown Center this weekend, brush up by picking the correct ending to the following lyrics.

1. I eat when I’m hungry/I drink when I’m dry/And if moonshine don’t kill me …

A. I’ll live till I die.

B. Then really, what’s the point?

C. No Irishman am I.

D. The smokes probably will.

“Streams of Whiskey” performed live by the Pogues on BBC TV show The Old Grey Whistle Test:

2. Whiskey, you’re the devil, you’re leading me astray/Over hills and mountains into Americay/You’re sweeter, stronger, decenter/You’re spunkier than tea …

A. Aw, who am I kidding? I can’t stay mad at thee!

B. I’ll see you right after work there, homey.

C. Oh, whiskey, you’re me darlin’, drunk or sober!

D. I’d rather have a bottle in front o’ me than a frontal lobotomy.

3. One, two, three, four, five/Hunt the hare and turn her/Down the rocky road/And all the ways to Dublin …

A. The one that’s in Ohio.

B. Now which way do we go?

C. Don’t make me turn this damn car around.

D. Whack-fol-lol-de-ra.

4. Now the publican’s anxious for the quota to come/There’s a faraway look on the face of the bum/The maid’s gone all cranky and the cook’s acting queer …

A. What a terrible place is a pub with no beer.

B. And the band’s out of tune and hurtin’ me ear.

C. So away from this port, my boat I shall steer.

D. I’m feeling worse now than when I got here.

5. Well he made a big apology/I told him then goodbye/Saying, “When next you want a beating, write: …

A. ‘The Keg, She Has Gone Dry.'”

B. ‘Our Reuben’s Not On Rye.'”

C. ‘No Irish Need Apply.'”

D. ‘Bono’s Gay.'”

Answers:
1. A (“The Moonshiner”)
2. C (“Whiskey You’re the Devil”)
3. D (“The Rocky Road to Dublin”)
4. A (“The Pub With No Beer”)
5. C (“No Irish Need Apply”)

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