The coffee-dispenser version of a suicide

When you were a kid, you’d tilt your glass up beneath every soda fountain flavor and create the ultimate combination drink: the suicide.

Old habits die hard, as I’ve learned from most people’s inability to pick one flavor of hot drink from the convenience store. Some would argue that there’s very little difference between the cappuccino or the flavored coffee, but the regular commuter knows that the right formula can be the key to finding a cup of coffee that’s as well-balanced as a glass filled with equal parts of milk and egg nog.

Through an unscientific but diverse straw poll, I tapped friends

and acquaintances in an attempt to discover the right buttons to push. It’s the coffee equivalent of a video-game cheat.