Solve for Stuck answers your questions about love triangles, addiction, and how to bounce back from losing a pet

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Welcome to Solve for Stuck.

Whether or not you identify as someone with lifelong mental health challenges, we’ve all been slammed by the events of the past few years. Whether it’s sex and relationship issues, career conundrums, family struggles, or compulsive behaviors (doom-scrolling anyone?), there’s no area of life that’s immune to stuckness. The good news? There’s a reason we get stuck, and it’s not due to laziness, craziness, or lack of motivation. With just a little bit of information, we can break through even the most stubborn patterns of thinking and doing.

To ask a question about recovering from the last few years, or anything else regarding mental health, reach out to britt@thepitchkc.com

Hi Britt, things are pretty good on the surface of things on my end. But underneath, I anticipate things to blow up in my personal life. I suspect a good friend of mine/coworker has a crush on me. She keeps mentioning that she needs to tell me something and has been really touchy as of late. This wouldn’t necessarily be a problem usually, save for that we both have significant others. She’s told me before that things haven’t been going great with her current boyfriend. But I cannot relate and am very happy with my current relationship. I haven’t told my girlfriend these suspicions yet in case I end up getting her jealous over nothing. Whatever happens, I’ll still have to see her at work, and I don’t want to lose the friendship, so I don’t know what to do. Should I bring up my suspicions to her, should I ask my girlfriend what she thinks or should I just stay silent, wait till my friend approaches me and risk being in an uncomfortable position?

-Sorry, Ladies, I’m Taken

Dear Sorry Ladies, I’m Taken

Sounds like you’ve gotten yourself into a wee bit of a love triangle! If you don’t have anything to hide with your coworker, there’s no reason to keep your girlfriend in the dark. It’s not your job to protect your girlfriend from feeling jealous — her feelings are her responsibility to manage (and my hunch is that she will feel a lot less jealous with open communication than if you’re hiding the issue with your co-worker.) If you’re happy in your relationship, the best way to protect it is through transparency. I’d encourage you to consider what it is about this co-worker relationship that feels so important. Is it worth sacrificing the trust you have with your girlfriend? Is it possible your co-worker is picking up on mixed signals from you? Most people wouldn’t confess a secret crush unless they thought there was at least a chance that their feelings would be reciprocated. The situation you’re in is tricky, but can be walked back by a few strategically placed comments to your co-worker reinforcing that you ARE, in fact, taken. 

Heyyyyy,

Pandemic hit me pretty hard personally and I’ve had a difficult time bouncing back. More specifically, working from home everyday allowed my booze habit to really take off. I’m leaving a treatment facility next week, and that side of my life is under control for the first time in years, but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to bounce back socially—not just from the people I didn’t see for 28 days, but for the people who probably think I’ve been absent from their lives in one form or another for the last couple years.

-High & Dry

Dear High & Dry,

First of all, congratulations for making the decision to go into treatment! That takes serious strength, and remind yourself often that you have chosen to take the brave route of action. Well done. One of the hardest parts of the recovery process is realizing that sometimes the playgrounds and playmates that you have had for years no longer fit your values and lifestyle. People worth having in your social circle will not be angry that you took 28 days to take care of yourself. You can build back the relationships with the people you disappeared from for the past few years, and work to build new friends who will support your sobriety goals. Recovery groups are the easiest place to find likeminded people. The most important thing to remember coming back from treatment is to create conditions where your sobriety will not be challenged. This may mean staying home, having just a few people over instead of going out to big events…and all of these choices are completely reasonable. It generally takes the brain 90 days to get into a groove, so while you broke the addiction cycle and got the first 28 banked, try to recreate treatment conditions as much as possible for the next month or so. Don’t beat yourself up if socializing feels overwhelming..especially heading into the holidays, which can be a huge trigger for relapse.

Britt,

Our dog Mr. Pickles passed away recently. He’d been with us for 11 years and the kids have never known a household without him. I’m hurting, as is my husband, but we mostly understand how to move forward. I’m writing to ask how to help them bounce back from this. (They’re 4 and 7.) It’s not so much the trauma of loss or death, because the kids lost a grandparent in 2021 and we’ve work through a lot of that. With Pickles gone, there’s just less energy in the house? Less going on? I wondering how to help them have a spark of excitement again. Thanks in advance.

-Out of Pickles

Dear Out of Pickles,

Pet loss is so awful— and all too often it gets minimized by people who don’t understand it. Sometimes pet loss can be harder than people loss. It sounds like you and your husband have done a beautiful job validating the grief and trauma and supporting the children through the process. Going from a household with a dog to one without a dog will definitely change up the energy, so if everyone is grieving and working through the losses (which it sounds like they are), then it might be appropriate to consider finding a new fur family member. The decision when (and if) to get a new dog is never easy and will vary from situation to situation, but I’ll encourage you to start a dialogue with your husband and with the kids about what it might look like/feel like/be like. While Pickles can never be replaced, having a dog in the home once again might bring the spark back you are looking for.

καλή τύχη (Good luck!)

Follow along with Psychotherapist Britt Frank [MSW, LSCSW, SEP] on Instagram, order her book The Science of Stuck here, or reach out to her practice at The Greenhouse KC. To ask a question about recovering from the last few years, or anything else regarding mental health, reach out to britt@thepitchkc.com

Disclaimer: This article is for entertainment purposes only and is not to be taken as official mental health treatment or professional medical advice.