Service Industry Horror Stories, Episode #2

​I did a lot of things as a waiter that I’m not particularly proud to confess. I threw tip trays at stingy customers (prom kids were the worst), I once used a foreign accent when working in a Greek restaurant (I was bored!) and more than a few times served caffeinated coffee to customers who demanded decaf. What can I say? The caffeinated java was fresher.

One thing I would not do was wear a costume on Halloween. My theory was this: The customers didn’t give a damn, and who the hell wanted to run back and forth from the kitchen wearing Dracula’s cape or God only knows what? Halloween night could be horrific enough without adding insult to injury.

Over the years, a

few patrons stopped in for dinner before attending costume parties. Back when I worked at a vegetarian restaurant, there was

the man carrying a bloodied fake hand who thought it would be hilarious

if he left it in the middle of the lettuce bowl on the salad bar. The

sticky fake “blood” got over everything and the owner kicked out the

jokester after we had to toss the contents

of giant bowl of iceberg lettuce in the trash.

The worst times, though, were when Halloween fell on a full moon. Whenever that happened, there was a

strong likelihood that the restaurant could be filled with real-life zombies, bloodsuckers, aliens, ghouls — and cheapskates!