Reviewing CANTEEN’s new vodka soda line in one sitting

Brandon Cason got started with Deep Eddy Vodka back in 2010. After working with them for years, he branched out into his own company. CANTEEN vodka sodas were born. With a lineup of flavorful, ready-to-drink vodka soda beverages. CANTEEN is on a mission to offer a breakthrough, better-for-you alternative to popular malt liquor seltzers; blending real vodka and all-natural ingredients to create a sugar-free, adventure-ready canned cocktail.

They sent us a sample box of all their flavors. We’re very busy, so we decided to review them all in one sitting. (This was a bad idea and the article reflects that.)

Lime Vodka Soda

Oddly, my least favorite. Odd, because lime tends to be my go-to flavor. Maybe it has slightly more citrus flavor than it probably needs? Maybe this one just tastes more like “carbonation” than anything else. Every brand of carbonated beverage, alcoholic or nonalcoholic, has one entry that causes me to burp uncontrollably. Never the same flavor. That’s this one for me. Don’t take it personally, Lime.

Watermelon

I shouted “This is really good” at my sister while we were drinking these. We don’t remember much more beyond that. Sometimes, if you’ve been sober for a long stretch, these things hit in different ways. My takeaway is that this is an incredible endorsement on my end, because I’ve never liked a “Watermelon” flavored anything in my entire life. So. Kudos to whatever this did. Let’s see what happens next!

Cucumber Mint

“Mmmm.”

This is the only note in my phone about it. That’s not enough to work from, so as A GOOD JOURNALIST I went out and bought more the next day. My original note was factually correct. This is perhaps my favorite entry in the series. A perfect blend of flavor and smoothness. The cucumber coming off as chiller than the lime was a surprise.

This is what I think summer tastes like. And I’m dragging it with me into fall.

This is easily the most normie, nothing flavor. This is vodka soda for someone who wants vodka soda to taste like no just pure alcohol and nothingness. It’s a hint of a joke of a whisper of a flavor. It’s very good. I dunno. If that’s what you’re looking for, this is it!

Black Cherry

Do you miss sippin’ on Clearly Canadian back in the 90s? If so, I’ve got your drink. This is a boozy remembrance of a childhood memory. It makes my tongue think I’m in Colorado in 1997. I dunno. Join me in this if you can/want to? It’s a bit of an acquired taste but I had no time to acquire it, so me enjoying it is just a general thumbs-up.

Grapefruit

This takes me to the top of the mountain. This and cucumber probably need to battle to the death. This is my best friend now. Hm. Okay, yeah doing all of them at once didn’t make me the best at do good at works about what the flavor does to my mouth space with the liquid. Uh. No, but also this good.

Other Flavor

I kinda thought there was one. I’m looking at my notes: there was not. Just the five. Whatever I drank after that was something else.

Buy the Cucumber Mints. Hell yes; go Chiefs.