Pitch Forks
IT INTERSECTS WITH “LARRY FLYNT BLVD.” …
A proposal by Chicago alderman Burton Natarus to honor Playboy founder Hugh Hefner with a street sign has met strong opposition from female politicians. “I don’t care how many great things he could have possibly done, I still could not vote for the naming of a street for a person who has earned his money on the backs of women,” said alderman Carrie Austin. The sign declaring “Hugh Hefner Way” is planned for a North Side street corner not far from where the publisher launched Playboy in 1953. Coincidentally, it will be wedged between two other road signs, one declaring “Dangerous Curve” and the other “Open Trench.” — Jon Niccum
REAGAN TOLD HIM TO JUST FORGET ABOUT IT …
Officials at Washington’s St. Elizabeth’s Hospital are supporting efforts by John Hinckley Jr., who shot President Ronald Reagan in 1981, to have unescorted day visits with his parents. According to reports, Hinckley was especially excited because his parents promised to take him to Anna and the King. — Robert Bishop
WHAT DO THEY CALL A QUARTER POUNDER IN MALTA?
McDonald’s apologized to Maltese soccer players for an advertisement that poked fun at the team’s chances of making it into the European championship this summer. The ad showed actors dressed as Maltese national soccer team players taking part in a McDonald’s competition for tickets for Euro 2000, implying it was the only way the squad could ever make it to the finals. The Maltese team accepted the apology, but upon hearing about this plot line, several Royals players protested, saying they are now suspicious of their role in a commercial promoting the fast-food chain’s “World Series burger” filmed during spring training. — Andrew Miller
THE INVESTIGATION WILL BE THOROUGH, EVEN IF IT MEANS REPEAT VISITS …
The state attorney general’s office is investigating an Albuquerque topless bar after customer Lorraine Armstrong’s credit card was charged almost $27,000 for four visits over a 10-day period. Armstrong said he was taken advantage of because he was too drunk to know what he was doing. The club said the figure was correct, however, claiming that’s how much money it takes to affirm the manhood of a guy named Lorraine. — Robert Bishop
HE’S MORE INTO LIMP BIZKIT THESE DAYS ANYWAY …
A school district in Rhode Island has spent in excess of $60,000 in a two-year legal battle with a student who was barred from wearing to school a White Zombie shirt that features “666” across the back. A spokesperson for the district claims the learning environment will improve when disruptive T-shirts are removed, adding that because of the legal expenses incurred, a few other distractions, such as computers, desks, and books, will also be eliminated. — Andrew Miller
UP, UP, AND AWAY …
A federal advisory panel has recommended government approval of Uprima, an anti-impotence drug that may challenge Viagra’s market dominance. The new libido-enhancing drug for men works on the brain rather than the sex organs. Unlike Viagra, which increases blood flow to the penis, Uprima stimulates nerves in the brain to make men imagine they have an erection. — Jon Niccum
