On tonight’s menu: water. With a side of water.

What’s the biggest compliment you can give to water? That it tastes like water. Or, if you’re one of the increasing number of water gullible fools connoisseurs, then you’d use words like rounded, flinty, crispy and spritzy to describe two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen.

All of those adjectives are actually used in a taste test of waters served at Claridge’s in London, which has a mind-numbing 33 choices ranging from the plain and cheap Fiji to $40 water pumped straight from glaciers, rainwater, springs and God knows where else.

Claridge’s and several restaurants in Los Angeles employ water sommeliers to advise customers on what goes best with “spiced braised belly pork or fillet of brill with parmentier of truffled leek.”

There is even a French term for what people are supposedly buying in these expensive waters.