Mr. Peanut speaks after 94 years and doesn’t seem to mind that we’re eating his kind

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Charlie the Tuna sold out his school long ago. The Chick Fil-A cows have been promoting the barnyard massacre of chickens for years. And now Mr. Peanut has finally broken his silence.

Only, it’s not in protest of the yearly harvest of the finest nuts being lost to an endless battle with hunger. Instead the hour glass-shaped, monocle-wearing priss is making friends with nutcrackers and shilling for Planter’s.