Life lessons from Kissinger, George W., and Randy Jackson: Studies in Crap and Fox News are Going Places

Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from area basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.

Going Places: How America’s Best and Brightest Got Started Down the Road of Life

Author: E.D. Hill, former host of Fox News’ “I Have Nothing Else To Live For So I May As Well Watch This” Morning Show

Publisher: The Regan imprint of HarperCollins, the same people who brought you O.J. Simspon’s If I Did It

Date: 2005

Discovered at: 2nd Chance Thrift, 63rd & Troost

The Cover Promises: Thin, airbrushed blonde, tanned liked a baked potato, showing plenty of chest in a cherry convertible? Is this the Playboy Channel?

Representative Quote:I was six months pregnant with my fifth child when I first met Donald Rumsfeld. Maybe it was my hormones talking, but I’ll confess I was shocked at my reaction. Yes, he’s interesting, witty, wry, and confident, but he’s also so incredibly handsome. Those blue eyes make your knees weak!”

Here’s a surprise! Turns out that E.D. Hill, the former Fox & Friends host who left the network last year after suggesting that the Obamas bump fists like terrorists, was News Corp’s answer to Studs Terkel. Instead of collecting the true, on-the-ground stories of American lives, Hill transcribes inspirational homilies about how the system rewards hard-working dreamers.

One of those hard-working dreamers is Steve Forbes. His secret?

Categories: News