Keep Them Coming: Sex toys to usher in the New Year

Illustration by Shelby Phelps

It’s my birthday month, and like many birthdays before, I don’t know what to ask for. I mean, I know a new sex toy is at the top of my list, but what should I choose? While I already have a collection big enough to get me arrested a few times over in the state of Texas—where you cannot own more than six dildos—I’m a big fan of having options and trying new things.

The sex educator in me sees this as a lovely opportunity to help Pitch readers learn how to select a toy for their needs! Sex toys can be simply a tool, a piece of equipment, or an accouterment to pleasure. 

For vulva owners:

Cumming x Clits

You might want to make the clit the star of the show as about 80% of vulva owners don’t cum from penetration alone. Vibrators like bullets offer external buzzing, discreetness, and ease of use. Bullets are also cost-effective, like The Surfer ($34) from Smile Makers, a company focused entirely on vulva-pleasing products. For external vibrators, I recommend Clandestine Devices’ Mimic ($110) or Mimic Plus ($135), which looks like a tongue and is just as good with a little lube. 

Wands stimulate the entire vulva—which can really do the trick since much of the clitoral structure is beneath the labia majora—and they come in various sizes. Wands often have a handle with controls, a vibrating head, and multiple settings. I’m a fan of The Magic Wand Rechargeable ($60-130 depending on the retailer and version)—mine is named Buzz Lightyear. You can also choose a smaller, lighter wand if the weight is a concern, such as Le Wand’s Petite Rechargeable ($135).

Air pulse technology, aka clit suckers, will get you off in no time. These are essentially nozzles that fit over the glans of the clitoris and pulse air so fast it feels like it’s sucking. Take a look at anything from the Womanizer line of products ($79-229). The Pro40 ($129) from Womanizer made me pee the bed from cumming so hard the first time I used it! 

Alternatively, check out The Poet ($129) air suction toy from Smile Makers. The Poet has interchangeable heads because clits come in a variety of sizes. 

G-Spot Glory

With regards to toys built for internal use, rabbit-style vibrators have been around for a while. They provide internal vaginal stimulation with an outer implement that rubs or vibrates against the clit. 

Bellesa Boutique has rabbit vibrators ranging from $49-169 from various makers. We-Vibe is another company you can check out that offers several toy models providing clit and G-spot stimulation for solo sex and coupled play ($99-199). 

You can even now blend clitoral air pulse stimulation with G spot vibration and pulsation. Tracy’s Dog ($50) has taken the internet by storm because of hilarious and graphic reviews. 

While all toys can help improve our sex lives, some have more targeted purposes in this vein, such as kegel balls, which are weighted balls that you insert into your vagina for stimulation and muscle strengthening. Often, they are connected to an app to coach you through pelvic floor therapy exercises. Then there’s The Lioness, which offers a “smart vibrator.” It connects to an app that gives you data about your orgasm, from strength to duration to pelvic floor contractions. 

Penis owners, it’s your turn:

Sexy Strokers

A stroker, or masturbation sleeve, generally has a silicone piece that goes over the shaft of the penis with a hard plastic exterior to make it easy to manipulate. This toy uses suction and tightness as its main means of pleasure. 

One of the most popular companies with a wide variety of strokers is Fleshlight. This is often the brand people turn to for the toys that simulate mouths, vaginas, and anuses. If that’s not your thing, Tenga makes several strokers that don’t look like body parts, including their Geo line ($39) or the FLIP series ($75-200), which opens for easy clean-up. 

Then there are high-end strokers like the Lelo F1SV2 ($219) and the KEON & Feel Stroker ($249), which you can control with your phone and little is required of your arms. They’re both getting rave reviews online and are great for people with disabilities as they do the majority of the work for the user. 

Give it a Little Tap

The Pulse series from The Hot Octopuss ($85-$150) is all the rage for anyone who wants easy clean-up and the ability to push a button, lay back, and let the toy do all the work. Shaped like a cannoli, it works primarily through percussion against the frenulum (where the shaft and head meet on the underside) rather than using strokes or suction. Again, great for able-bodied or disabled penis owners. 

Cock Rings Are Hot

Cock rings can add sensation while you use your hand to masturbate and can be used with a partner. Some rings are simply for tightness around the shaft like Cock-B Bulge Cockring from OxBalls ($32). You can find disposable vibrating models at local sex toy stores for under $7, and rechargeable models range from the Satisfyer Mighty One ($39) to the app-connected We-Vibe Bond ($129). The Bond is called such because your partner can control it from anywhere with their smartphone.

Everyone has a butt: 

Butt stuff is genderless and humans of every orientation can explore anal play. No matter what, all anal toys must have a beveled end—meaning it’s wider than your anus—to prevent it from being sucked up inside you. Take heed of this advice or expect a trip to the ER, as you won’t be able to remove it on your own. 

Some anal toys are for all biologies, and a basic dildo or vibrator can certainly get the job done. Anal beads have a lot of variety. They can be as simple as just a series of orbs on a stick, some are hard and some are squishy, or they have vibes, like the Booty Call Booty Vibro Kit from Cal Exotics. 

The Eclipse Thrusting Rotator Probe ($76) by Cal Exotics is a toy that you or your partner control with a wrist band—it’s got an appealing slender design and does exactly what it’s name says. If you have a prostate, consider something like the Edge 2 adjustable prostate massager ($119) from Lovense, which also has a phone app to control it and a more bulbous head to hit that spot just right.

Butt plugs these days are silicone, glass, or metal, the latter two materials being much easier to clean. Non-vibing versions of plugs will run you $20-40. Every sexologist and blogger I follow fell in love with the remote control operated Rimming plug 2 by b-Vibe ($150). 

As for my birthday gift, I’m going with a toy that’s rechargeable, for internal G spot stimulation, made of silicone, and can be used solo or with a partner: The Stronic G ($169) by Fun Factory.

Go forth and exercise, meditate, and masturbate—soon with your brand new toy.  

You can find Kristen on Twitter or openthedoorscoaching.com. Check out her podcast, Keep Them Coming.