Keep Them Coming: It’s the most wonderful (and sexiest) time of the year
All the attention on relationship rejuvenation you read in magazines seems to be focused on the summertime. Perhaps it’s the summertime sizzle that makes late fall and early winter the most common time to conceive. (Psst—it’s also when Americans are most likely to be diagnosed with chlamydia or gonorrhea, so please start getting tested regularly and use barrier protections.)
But, in my opinion, December flies under the radar as the sexiest month of all. Personally, I’m more of a quality vs. quantity gal, and December makes for some quality mattress dancing. There’s also a special something in the air that lends itself to a romantic mood.
Now, don’t get me wrong! I’m not knocking summertime sex or hookup culture. For one thing, it falls in the middle of cuffing season, where singles aren’t so single anymore because they’re gravitating towards relationships to get through the frigid months.
But that hook-up babe who is evolving into your full-time cuddle babe can still be your down-for-whatever babe. It doesn’t have to fizzle out! And you—that couple that went on your first vacation without the kids in over five years and finally got reconnected sexually—you don’t have to settle back into your old routine either.
First off, let’s set the scene: What’s up with the summertime sex drive? Inarguably, people have more sex during the summer. Depending on what study you read, either August or July is when people bang the most, with May and June just behind them. Period Tracker app Eve utilized data from 1.2 million users and found they have 12% more sex in the summer months. Spring is when we have the least amount of intercourse.
A few studies have asked if the amount of sex we have influences our happiness levels. One longitudinal study, “Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being, But More is Not Always Better” by Amy Muise et al. followed 30,000 Americans for 40 years. The study concluded that once a week is the magic number for sexually active couples. Couples who have sex 54 times a year, to be exact, correllationally report the highest level of overall relationship happiness.
Of course, having more or less sex is subjective to each person or couple. There are asexual folks who maintain happy, fulfilling relationships while never (or rarely) having sex. For those of you interested in sex, you might not get more out of banging multiple times a week—but chances are you’ll be unsatisfied with your relationship if you’re getting less than that.
Let’s embrace December as a shift. We may not be seeing our honey in a bikini or mowing the lawn shirtless right now, but doesn’t their butt look fabulous in those jeans or leggings? Shift and find the sexual energy in different places than you might have over the summer.
As a sex coach, I find it’s important that people don’t let their sex lives become seasonally cyclical. I suppose what comes up must come down, but what I like my partnered clients to focus on when it comes to intercourse is consistency. Try maintaining a baseline throughout the year—once a week, for example.
Now, if we know it’s important to focus on quality over quantity, it’s good to note that people who take time to focus on pleasure as a journey—who are open to a wide variety of nuance in their sex lives—are also less likely to experience an orgasm gap. An orgasm gap is when one partner regularly cums during sex and the other regularly…doesn’t. According to a study in the National Library of Medicine by David A. Frederick et al, that gap is smallest for gay couples and widest for heterosexual couples, with women in heterosexual relationships cumming less frequently during partnered playtime than men.
Frederick et al.’s research also shows that the gap is reduced by practices like having a longer playtime together; talking about desires and actively explaining what you want during sex; giving new positions a try; and using sexy talk to build up the energy.
I would add that outercourse, or what some only refer to as foreplay, deserves its own place in our sexual practices. The term foreplay makes it seem as if any non-penetrative play is just a pit stop on the way to a destination. Couples should allow for a clit rub or a blow job to be the main event sometimes, too.
Ultimately, couples who treat intimacy as more than intercourse—and take their time with the actual intercourse when they have it—report higher satisfaction with their sex lives.
Look, y’all: December is basically already setting the mood for you. The month is filled with rich comfort foods, fuzzy soft sweaters, candlelight, and fireplaces ablaze—we’re indoors, snuggled up more, and it can make us extra frisky. That all sounds like a recipe for sexy playtime/baby-making energy to me! After all, Christmas Eve is the most popular singular date of conception for Americans. (Again, wrap it up if a pregnancy is not in your one-year plan.)
Enjoy the increase in cuddles now that you’re not bursting into a sweat if your legs touch on the couch. Let those hands wander under that sweater during your Netflix binge night. Try having oral between wrapping all those gifts. Send a sexy selfie with a dirty message before you head out for holiday shopping. Have a quickie before you leave for the holiday party.
I think this is what Andy Williams was actually referring to when he said it’s the most wonderful time of year!
Don’t forget to exercise, meditate, and masturbate. Cheers to you having a sexy-as-hell December!
If you’re a SWer in need of support, check out APAG at apagunion.com
You can find Kristen on Twitter or at openthedoorscoaching.com. Check out her podcast, Keep Them Coming.