How to win a pie-eating contest

If you find yourself in a pie-eating contest at any of this weekend’s festivals, Fat City wants to give you the best chance of surviving with your dignity intact.

You don’t want to end up like this blogger — hoping that your love of food is enough to get you through the competition. So here are your top five strategies for either taking the gold or keeping the pies down, whichever’s more important to you.

1. Get yourself a nickname. Intimidation is a big deal and if you’re not a large man or woman — you might as well have a pie-eating moniker that sounds like you know what you’re doing. Bad puns are a decent place to start — something like the Cherry Gobbler.

2. If given a choice, don’t choose a pie flavor you love. You don’t want to ruin a pie that brings you joy. Instead opt for you second choice to avoid lasting repercussions.