Gastrointestintal stuffed toys: urine luck!

Scarily, some of my friends are starting to have children. Being a creepy honorary uncle has its drawbacks, namely what to get these newborns. Should I get them an a full-bodied Chilean red or maybe a safe oak chardonnay from California?

I kid, I kid. But shopping for young’ns is no walk in the park. You can’t go wrong with a stuffed animal, though. Or even better, a stuffed organ from that most curious animal: homosapien.

Not a real organ but a plush, huggable cloth one that has eyes and a mouth like these nine from the Web site I Heart Guts.

There’s gallbladder plush which has “got gall,” not to be confused with pancreas plush, which wants you to “gimme some sugar!” People are recommended to buy two kidneys, since that’s what most people have. I’m a fan of liver, who goes by the motto, “I’m a liver not a fighter.” There’s also the more ordinary brain, heart and lung stuffed organs.

Unfortunately, you can no longer buy the stuffed uterus as the ovaries could be pulled off the fallopian tubes and were considered choking hazards. Try explaining that to the doctor.

Each organ comes not only with a description explaining what it does (example: “The gallbladder collects & concentrates bile, a substance made by the liver and used to digest fats & acids”) but a free get-well card in case your real or fake organ gets hurt.

Best of all, at under $15 each, you won’t even have to sell any of your real ones to afford these organs.