“Fetch the Halls” brings a boozy Mean Girls experience to Vignettes through Jan. 7

Raise your hand if you have personally victimized your own liver.

December 2, 2022

Tyler Schneider, Anna Perry-Rushton,

Photo by Anna Perry-Rushton

Get in, loser; we’re going drinking.

Running through Jan. 7, “Fetch the Halls” is probably the brightest such venture yet staged at Vignettes. One enters a cafeteria-style setup complete with trays and an assortment of Christmas presents at several tables. In the corner, the musicians play tunes from a stage decked out as the Winter Talent Show from the film. Two screens play the movie itself on an endless loop.

Creatively, Maggie Boone took the lead on this one, with Colleen King and Matthew Deaver of Deavertech providing many of the artistic setpieces as they have for past projects. Scott Helling also returned to craft yet another cocktail menu.

The “Norbury Fizz” is a gin mix with cranberry and lemon juice, powdered sugar, and soda water. We followed it up with the slightly less sweet “Grool”—spiced rum with grapefruit, orange, pineapple, and cinnamon. It was a worthy double-fist combo to kick off a night where the limit may not exist.

More than one person at the table went with “The Cool Mom”—a powerful strawberry margarita mix with sweet and sour vibes.

Throughout the evening, more memorable entries brought to the table included “She Doesn’t Even Go Here” (cake-flavored vodka with blue curacao and lemon-lime soda), “You Go, Glenn Coco” (Peppermint Schnapps, creme de menthe and cocoa, Irish cream), and “Wednesdays We Wear Pink” (a vodka-based mix that includes a prickly pear puree and a splash of cranberry, served in a souvenir potion bottle).

One of the many, many decorative references enjoyed was the map of the cafeteria seating chart on the wall, indicating which clique sat where. Upon asking friends where they would be seated, a few said they’d be at the “Band Geeks (Sexually Active)” table rather than with the neighboring “Asexual Band Geeks,” which was a nice detail. Others said they’d probably be with the “Burnouts.”

We were sitting around and soaking in one another’s awesomeness when we realized we had yet to drink any awesome shooters. This was quickly rectified as we brought each of the three shots to our awesome table. We got the “Karen” with Banana Schnapps and strawberry, the “Regina” Cinnamon Schnapps and Irish cream, and the “Gretchen” with peanut butter whiskey and grape soda.

We did not, however, get around to trying the group drink, “Army of Skanks,” which serves a recommended serving of two to four depending on each participant’s level of alcoholism.

There are some food options available, with a strawberry cobbler dessert pizza called “Rainbows and Smiles,” “Gretchen’s Weiner”—a hot dog with some sort of pink mystery sauce, and a pair of poundcake options from Wally’s Bakery,

As is the standard here, the Vignettes team hosts trivia on Wednesdays (you’re gonna want to wear pink for that one), music bingo on Thursdays, and features live music on Fridays and Saturdays.

The final cocktail was the “White African,” a delicious rum, eggnog, and coffee liqueur mix that almost tricked the liver from realizing it had been personally victimized that evening. We signed the Burn Book on the way out, pondering if Vignettes had indeed succeeded in making “fetch” happen.

All photos by Anna Perry-Rushton