Drunk as a skunk? Stoned as a squirrel?

There was a time when I was so ridiculously intoxicated that I was accused of being “drunk as a skunk.” It never occurred to me, drunk or sober, to wonder where that expression came from. Only later — with a clear head — did I learn that its historical roots date back to at least the 14th century, when “drunk as an ape” or “drunk as a mouse” were commonly used. The word skunk, I discovered recently, is of more recent vintage. A reference to the stink-spraying animal, as a squunke, was reportedly first used in print in 1634.

But the news of the day is that skunks (or squunks) can get drunk? Who knew? According to a story by Iain Gately in last week’s New York Times, skunks have been known to imbibe. Ditto bees, wild monkeys and pigs. Animals are drawn to the aroma of fermenting fruit and after a few snorts can tie one on. This behavior, Gately writes, was noted as far back as Aristotle, who recorded how to capture wild monkeys by setting out jars of wine. After drinking up and passing out, the saucy little creatures were easily snared.

They probably got hangovers too. According to Gately, Darwin confirmed that when, after observing some drunk monkeys, “On the following morning, they were very cross and dismal; they held their aching heads with both hands and wore a most pitiable expression.”

I say that’s just more proof of the theory of evolution.