Drinking in church: what not to do

I would like to preface the story below by saying I don’t condone my youthful actions nor do I think it’s necessarily a brilliant idea to sneak liquor into the middle of an evangelical Christmas church service.

However in high school I had the pleasure of doing just that. I was forced to go to the Christmas Eve service by my parents. In an act of rebellion, I spent the time before the service at a friend’s house drinking a bottle of Hot Damn. Halfway through the bottle, I cajoled my friend to bring the Hot Damn and come with me.

We arrived late. The smart thing would have been to leave the Hot Damn in the car and try to sober up. Being beyond good decisions and having an empty flask, I came up with the following plan: We’d sneak into the back of church, sit in one of the empty pews and discreetly take a nip here or there.

This is not how things went. First though, a couple things about this church: