Dear Boone’s Farm…

I must admit to having a brief, wild love-affair with the pseudo-bum-wine Boone’s Farm. How brief? One night to be exact. The next morning I felt like there was acid in my eyeballs and the Marching Cobras in my stomach. The experience was my first with “wine” and I didn’t touch vino for another two years.

But then I’m not Shalene, whose “first experience with Boone’s Farm was drinking 4 bottles of Blue Hawaiian wine.” She was 16 and had “probably the most fantastic night of

my life thanks to Boone’s and some Hawaiian goodness!!!!!!!”

Shalene’s is one of 20 testimonials from the Boone’s Farm Fan Club. Most of the stories involve one or more of these five factors: high school, a ridiculous sounding Boone’s Farm flavor, probable alcohol poisoning, fond memories of awful-sounding events and Texas.

“Back when I was in high school, we used to buy Boone’s Farm on

Wednesday nights when the blind guy was working at the liquor store,” writes Ken from San Antonio. “We

had to drink it with straws to finish it before mom got home from bingo.”

As Diane from Laredo remembers it, “Boone’s Farm was the first thing I ever drank. I was 13 or 14. When my

mom found me the next morning, my head was over the toilet because I

was scared of chokin [sic] on my own puke.”

The whole Web site is like one big flashback to simpler times when a bottle of Boone’s Farm was high living and getting drunk off of glorified Kool-Aid was as good as it got… for at least a couple of hours.