Dear Applebee’s, your Lunch Decoy is terrifying

• Applebee’s
• The idea of an inflatable me is disconcerting.

Dear Applebee’s,

I’ll admit that I’m occasionally scared by what I see in commercials. The eBay baby that Super Bowl audiences seem to love makes me find a reason to leave the room suddenly. And I believe that Hulu is a piece of alien technology. Still, even I wasn’t ready to stumble across your Lunch Decoy – the inflatable doll-looking piece of plastic meant to stand in for me as I wolf down a plate of chicken fajita roll-ups.