Daily Briefs: The Plog summer internship program

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By CHRIS PACKHAM

From the Comments:

wumble says:

Does Cabella’s have Virtual Lawnmower yet? Or maybe Promise Keeper Neo Geo, where your .75 cents lets you pretend to tell your wife and kids what’s what?

Regular-guy lunchpail-carrying war hero John McCain probably can’t remember a lot of things. Once your brain gets all clogged up with the amyloid plaque, it stands to reason that sooner or later, you’re going to forget how many houses you own. Shit, I forget things all the time — like, occasionally I forget what a fancy pampered fuck John McCain really is, and then some TV news camera zooms in on his $500 loafers, or on the various five-figure rhytidectomies and sliding genioplasties preserving his wife Cindy, like a mummy. Asked by the Politico website how many houses the couple owns, McCain said, “I think — I’ll have my staff get to you… It’s condominiums where — I’ll have them get to you.” According to Progressive Accountability, the McCains own 10 homes, ranches, condos and lofts valued at over $13 million, which is totally fine — I ain’t no socialist, and there’s nothing wrong with owning stuff. I myself own several shovels. Sure, I’m bragging a little. They’re not that hard to get.

After the jump, a heartwarming coming-of-age tale in which a teenage kid from the streets teaches a tough old bastard what life is really about. Like, seriously: heartwarming old Robin Williams, who decided years ago that I needed my heart warmed up more than I needed anything to laugh at, would totally make a movie out of this story. Unless your heart is already really, really warm, click here, or on this heartwarming porcelain bisque figurine reinterpreting Disney’s Beauty and the Beast in the idiom of Precious Moments:

Categories: News