Daily Briefs: Glittery Newswriting, Kay Barnes, Bill Cosby

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By CHRIS PACKHAM

Hangover o’ the Irish: It rained yesterday, but a hard-core coterie of daytime drinkers turned out for the parade anyway. I also personally witnessed the subspecies of daytime drinkers who can’t afford day care, and had to bring their kids along to their traditional Irish celebration of green Mardi Gras beads and public intoxication. Is there a term for “transplanting suburban despair into the city”? I’ll bet they have a word for it in German. Jason Harper took some photos that illustrate the phenomenon.

It’s only good manners: I have absolutely nothing to add to this perfect headline. McClatchy, please watch the mail for this Precious Moments thank-you card:

The butt-smoochiest 700 words you’ll read all day: So there’s this article about Kay Barnes in The Kansas City Star, and it was really embarrassing to read — like, the same way I imagine it would be kind of excruciating, but still funny, to watch a coworker with a terrible stutter attempt to brown-nose the boss. I’ve tried writing about it three different ways, and every time I sound like the kind of cynical malcontent that always makes me want to put a curmudgeonly old bullet through my iconoclastic skull. Now I give up. It’s time to be positive.

What happens when a reporter gets access to a politician? The journalistic equivalent of MySpace sparkle graphics. So here’s a bulleted list of points made by The Star‘s Kevin Collison in his own glittery idiom:

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Whoops! HAHAHA. That last one was from Jenee Osterheldt’s government conspiracy blog. Apologies.

Actually, I wear these big foam No. 1 fingers on both hands every day. Where do they get their awesome ideas?

Flarn-flarn filth: Crazy old Bill Cosby is coming to Kansas City to speak at a conference for women called Among Sisters. Pair that information with his 2006 out-of-court settlement for allegedly slipping pills to a Canadian woman and subsequently groping her, and the resulting picture is not creepy at all! Plus, man, remember that hilarious bit about the chocolate cake? That was like a million years ago.

Categories: News