Daily Briefs: Contra-Garfield Monday love


Don’t Vote: According to Steve Kraske, Robin Carnahan says voter turnout this November could approach 80 percent in Missouri — embarrassing! %{[ data-embed-type=”image” data-embed-id=”57150c4289121ca96b9605d5″ data-embed-element=”aside” ]}%It’s not like we’re a new Republic rising from the ashes of totalitarian rule. We’ve been at this for over a hundred years, or something. I’d say we should act more detached, jaded and world-weary, like the French, except that they had 84 percent turnout for their last national election. So uncool. Don’t we have any more cool-acting role-models, like Fonzie? Only, ones who wouldn’t endorse such society-affirming values as voting and not doing drugs, like Fonzie? I might show up at the retirement community to vote if Libertarian candidate Bob Barr gets on the ballot, so I can laugh at everyone with a Bob Barr campaign button — seriously, Libertarians so crazy they make me drop verbs! But whatever, you people, go ahead and vote this November. Dress up like Uncle Sam, for all I care. I’ll spend election night the way I spend every Tuesday: Sending pseudonymous trouble-making emails to the official Jaleel White website expressing interest in having him speak at my irritable bowel syndrome support group.

After the jump, the sad, dark story of Mr. Gurgles. Click here, or on this signed photo of Jaleel White:

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