Daily Briefs: Big Buck Hunter Safari

By CHRIS PACKHAM

%{[ data-embed-type=”image” data-embed-id=”57150c4889121ca96b961567″ data-embed-element=”aside” ]}%So, Sen. John McCain, taking cues from spooky mustachioed neocon John Bolton, wants NATO to absorb Georgia — or, as McCain knows it, “Iberia” — pushing NATO all the way up to Russia’s borders. Not. At all. Terrifying. To me, at least — as the result of a childhood head trauma at the hands of an unlicensed day-care operator, I’m prone to reckless behavior and an inability to learn from past experience. “Today, we are all Georgians,” McCain said on Monday, except, I gotta say, we’re fucking not. Here’s a photo of the Zadashe Ensemble, a native folk-music and dance troupe from Caucasus, Georgia. For Pepsi Challenge purposes, I’ve juxtaposed them with some Americans:

TODAY, WE ARE ALL GASSY. If McCain is trying to rally America into war with Russia, he’s doing a really shitty job because right now everyone has the fever — THE CHINESE OLYMPICS FEVER! Literally no one I know thinks the United States should suddenly get involved in a war on the Eurasian supercontinent. Also, the U.S. Army has a pretty bad case of the DEPLOYED IN IRAQ FEVER. If we’re sincerely looking at war with Russia, then they’d better ramp up the mandatory conscription aparatus because we’re going to need this whole other army to do it. After the jump, some deep contemplation of my own manly stoicism. Click here, or on this picture of a weepy, unstoic messiah:

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