Clash and Burn

Thanks for tuning in to the Thanksgiving As the Table Turns marathon here on the Soap Opera Network.

[Narrator]: Previously on As the Table Turns, the embattled DJ competition known as Waxclash was widely dismissed for its poor organization, crappy sound quality and a diluted talent pool. Staffers at KJHK 90.7, which puts on the annual turntable tryst, worked feverishly to buttress their flagging franchise.

This week’s episode takes us to Liberty Hall a week before Thanksgiving, where the latest Waxclash is under way.

KJHK representatives have been diligent about making the ‘clash rock the casbah again, scouring the landscape for enticing prizes and scrapping separate mixing and scratching competitions in favor of a unified, balls-out approach.

If nothing else, the changes have lured three-time Waxclash champ DJ Sku back into the fold. His mere presence is enough to restore some credibility. With more plot twists than an episode of Passions, this Waxclash has its share of drama.

Before the doors even opened, competitors scrambled to compensate for KJHK gaffes as Sku donated his mixer and DJ Aether secured monitors at the last minute. Standard sound and flow problems have ensued.

Enter a Diatribe Called Quest.

Host Johnny Quest grows increasingly flustered as the night goes on and the technical difficulties mount. The rapper’s solution is to get loaded. And a drunk Quest is a lippy Quest, poking fun at anyone who stumbles into his blurred field of vision.

Nonetheless, a genuine DJ battle emerges.

Five competitors — Sku, Omnes, Mixdup, Proof and Lo Tek — advance to the second round. In the end, though, a Sku-versus-Proof showdown is all but inevitable. Which brings us to the final round. Sku and Proof trade two-minute salvos, Proof sampling the Beastie Boys and Queen when he isn’t sewing a scratchwork quilt. He looks solid. Could the challenger actually usurp the champion?

Not so fast.

Sku makes his last set count, finishing with a taunting sample: What you just did put me to sleep. Bing, bang, boom. Sku is a four-time Waxclash champion.

But it’s almost too easy. Many conflicts remain unresolved. Will organizers ever sort out the logistical nightmares? Will top-notch DJs such as Sku even bother coming back? Is it time to kill the event as we know it and build anew?

No. Probably not. No. Yes.

But can organizers save the Waxclash in time?

(Dramatic duh-duh-duh-duh cliffhanger outro.)

Tune in next year to find out.

Categories: Music