Apparition’s It’s Always Sunny pop-up bar is the low-brow Paddy’s Pub of dirtbag nightmares

If any of you dick-nips think you can slug it down faster than me, you’re welcome to get your asses over to  “The Gang Opens A Pop Up Bar,” at Deep Roots in KCK (4601 Shawnee Dr) and give it your best shot, Boggs’ Style.

In seeking to emulate “the worst bar in Philly,” the Apparition team took to their canvas and delivered a qualitatively better product that’s chock-full of earnest recreations and references to several of most iconic props and episodes from Always Sunny In Philadelphia’s glorious 15-season run.

It’s as welcoming to insiders as it is wildly offensive to outsiders. If you’re not well-versed in the world this inhabits, prepare for an offensive yet perplexing evening, albeit a blurry one.

Right off the bat, one is greeted by the giant paper mache sculpture of Frank as ‘The Trash Man’ from S5E7 “The Gang Wrestles for the Troops.” It had once been Shrek at Vignettes last fall and was later moved and transformed into Andre the Giant’s Fizzik for the Princess Bride popup earlier this year. 

You have to commend that level of resourcefulness from the likes of primary decorators Colleen King and Keenan O’Brien. That duo produced setpieces like the “D.E.N.N.I.S. System,” notepad, memorials to some of the gang’s more notable casualties in Country Mac and Barnabas Reynolds, and a yellow-suit-clad mannequin standing before the cutout sun from the closing scene of S4E13 “The Nightman Cometh.”

If immersion is more your thing, you’d be hard-pressed not to fancy a ride on the centerpiece of all the commotion: a functional version of Mac’s Ass Pounder 4000, the dildo-laden exercise bike that prevents one from sitting down unless they particularly enjoy excessive amounts of length and girth. This gem was engineered by Dominic Bautista and would incur many punishments on willing subjects throughout the night as the glasses piled up.

The cocktail menu, again designed by Matthew Smith, includes 12 original cocktails and four shots, with six readily mixed in a non-alcoholic form. Another trio of alcohol-free alternatives and a short beer list round out the drink offerings, along with nine food options.  

We order the first round, and the St. Patricks Day celebrant to my right looks up to our server and says, “I Had Sex With Your Dad,” indicating his desire for a combination of Fernet-Branca, tequila, blood orange syrup, and sweet vermouth.

I opt for the as-delicious-as-advertised  “Fight Milk,” made up of Jameson, Kahlua, Allspice Dram, almond milk, and an egg (in this tryin’ time). Others at our table go for “Dead As Disco” (vodka, OJ, blood orange syrup, pr(q)eat syrup, triple sec), “Leprechaun Trap” (tequila, melon, velvet falernum, blue curacao), and the “Ripped In Half Asshole” (gin, watermelon habanero shrub, ginger beer).

Shots included “Blast My Nips,” Kahlua, Bailey’s, El Dorado, and whipped cream, the “Jack Bauer” (Guinness, Irish Cream, Jameson), “Sweet Dee” (vodka, cranberry, coconut), and “Wildcard, Bitches!” (bartender’s choice of Fernet with either aperitif syrup, Kahlua, or peppermint). 

I went with the latter and drew the peppermint version as musical talent Michael Doss crooned his own version of “Dayman,” (ooh ahh ahhhhh!) Fighter of the Night Man, Champion of the Sun. Anyways, he’s a Master of Karate and Friendship for everyone, and, in the spirit, I ordered my next drink, the “Troll Toll” (rum, melon, pineapple, lemon, mint-pepper syrup). 

It was approaching 10 p.m. on St. Patrick’s Day, and to my knowledge, none of us were yet 40 beers back. I got real weird with it and ordered a group drink in “Riot Punch.” Made up of Everclear, vodka, tequila, gin, rum, blue curacao, blood orange syrup, blue Powerade, this guy proved a slow-creeper on the dopamine receptors. It was served in a half-gallon milk container in a nod to another classic episode, S5E6 “The World Series Defense.”

The writer. Doing Journalism.

There were several additional options we didn’t get to, including “The Trash Man,” a $25 monstrosity that includes gin, tequila, vodka, blue curacao, lychee liquor, lychee-dragonfruit, and Redbull, “May I Offer You An Egg,” (gin, dry vermouth, blood orange syrup, lemon, egg), “Eat Your Drinks,” (bacon and ham infused-rum, coconut or(q)eat, blood orange syrup), and “Wine in a Can,” (wine in a can).

The food menu featured the beloved “Rum Ham” (literally just ham and fries), but you can also get spaghetti in a bag. I didn’t. 

“Whenever there’s a potential riot, I’m getting blasted on grain alcohol,” Mac says in the show. I ponder the lunacy of that statement while ripping on my Riot Punch, deciding that, at present, the only riot I was facing concerned an unbroken seal. 

I got to the restroom and was floored with the density of decorum inside: a printed meme of Frank crawling out from inside the pleather-couch in season 2, a hanging replica of Charley’s hazard suit from S9E7 “The Gang Gets Quarantined,” and, most spectacularly, a mock glory hole just next to the paper towels.

All in all, a night to remember. Sorta. [Glad I wrote it down.]

Photos by Anna Dame / Morbid Awakenings: