Money Shots

Chicago band Bang! Bang! calls itself a “sex-rock trio,” offering an uproarious mix of sleazy indie rock and dag-nasty punk. We asked bandmates Jack Flash, Gretta Fine and Mike Wednesday to field a few saucy, sordid questions from one kinky group of rock-and-roll kids.

Dear Bang! Bang! I hear you guys met while Gretta Fine was rollerblading down the street in her panties. I love to rollerblade and would love to give it a shot in my undies. Do you have any suggestions of what type work best? — Commando Kate

Gretta: “I like to wear a nice boy-cut brief to roller-skate in. I like the security of my ass staying put as I bump up and down on those poorly paved urban sidewalks.”

Dear Bang! Bang!: I recently found myself with an erectile dysfunction problem and have been thinking of trying some drugs. Any suggestions on what works best for keeping it up? — Limp in Louisiana

Jack: “It may just be some sort of mental block. What works for you while you’re whackin’? Start with trying to fantasize about the thing that gets you going when you’re playing solo, then gradually wean yourself into simply enjoying the moment you’re in. Screw drugs — try mind over matter first.”

Dear Bang! Bang!: My boyfriend loves to wear eyeliner, listens to nothing but Rufus Wainwright and Magnetic Fields and insists on wearing Band-Aids over his nipples like Morrissey, yet he insists he’s not gay. What should I do? — Man’s Man’s Woman?

Gretta: “I’m so jealous! That’s a hot thought — being with a man in question! Think of the possibilities!”

Jack: “Men can be in touch with their feminine side without being gay. However, there are two different kinds of gay, and your boyfriend sounds more like the bad kind. Y’know, not homosexual gay but gay like a barbecue with no beer.”