Santa’s KC Sleigh

Hey, kids, can’t think of what to ask Santa to bring you this year? Check out the Burnt Ends catalog of KC-themed gifts.

A. Let your dog’s thirst be the tenant of this Sprint Center-shaped bowl. Thirty-year payment options available. Replacement glass panels sold separately.

B. The talking Frances Semler Fashion Doll spouts such classics as “Close the borders!” and “Mexico es su casa!” Dress her up with three fun polyester outfits (sold separately):

Garden Gal: includes appliqué jeans, straw sun hat, sandals, trowel and garden gloves. Park Commission Honeybunch: comes with sensible shoes, spinsterish jacket, gold-toned Minuteman pin Camouflage Cutie: includes camo-patterned jumpsuit, infrared glasses, stun gun, American flag, English-Spanish dictionary.

C. Use your own hyperbolic adjectives to describe just how bad things were in last night’s shooting, rape or sex act committed in a public restroom, as shown on KCTV Channel 5. Scribble in your own neighborhood or one of the regular targets for Channel 5’s live shots. Also check out Katie Horner‘s “The ______ Twister’s Coming!” Edition.

D. Due to lead paint, this Clay Chastain Express train has already been recalled. Don’t worry, though — we’re sure it’ll be back next year.