Sporting KC superfan Brisket Bob answers The Pitch questionnaire

Name: Robert Baconwurst (but my employer thinks my name is Adam Yarnevich).

Occupation: When I’m not obsessing over Sporting Kansas City, I design stuff for the interwebs.

Hometown: The ’Dotte

Current neighborhood: World–famous Mission, Kansas. We have a Chipotle and a Freebirds. Booyah.

What I do (in 140 characters): Design. Cheez-Its. Sleep. Repeat.

What’s your addiction? Crazy socks. I have one pair of white tube socks and I only wear them when I’m doing yardwork.

What’s your game? I dominate at Balderdash and spades.

What’s your drink? Bourbon. All of it. From top shelf to whatever is under the sink and behind the bleach.

Where’s dinner? I could eat Taco Via for every meal until I’m dead at 40 from eating Taco Via for every meal.

What’s on your KC postcard? A picture of St. Louis with the words “KANSAS CITY” across the bottom. You’d pick it up and think, “Wait, that’s not Kansas City.” Then, you’d flip it over, and in huge letters it would say, “YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT’S NOT KANSAS CITY.”

Finish this sentence: “Kansas City got it right when …” We started acting like a big city. Rideshare, light rail, food trucks, bicycle rental, trophies, an art district, those little TV screens in the back of taxi cabs with Jimmy Kimmel highlights, etc.

“Kansas City screwed up when …” I wish we were watching playoff baseball in a downtown stadium. I think the World Cup watch parties last summer at P&L proved where we like to party.

“Kansas City needs …” Mountains, an ocean, and an overpriced steakhouse owned by a Hall of Fame athlete.

“In five years, I’ll be …” 39 and still wishing that I’d been more clever on this questionnaire.

“I always laugh at …” Sleeveless T-shirts with arrows that point to your “guns.” I saw one in a store in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, a few weeks back that said, “Obama can’t have these guns.” I still regret not paying the stupid $3.99 for it.

“I’ve been known to binge-watch …” I don’t really “binge–watch.” But I did watch the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer four times in a row at a sleepover once (when I was 12).

“I can’t stop listening to …” Run. The. Jewels.

“I just read …” Reclaiming History by Vincent Bugliosi. If you’re fascinated by JFK, you gotta read it. I won’t ruin the plot for you, but it’s a real bummer.

The best advice I ever got: From my dad before my wedding: “Don’t screw it up.”

Worst advice: After the “best advice,” my dad retracted and said, “No, wait, that’s stupid. Never mind.” So technically, I got no advice. That counts, right?

My sidekick: My dog, Yoshimi. She’s selfish and spoiled. Which actually makes for a horrible sidekick.

My dating triumph/tragedy: I got married a few weeks ago, and we’re still together. Triumph!

My brush with fame: Well, I do have my own hilariously stupid jumbotron intro at Sporting Park. I also sat next to Chuck Berry on a flight from KC to Chicago once. Ya, Chuck flies Southwest Airlines, too.

My 140-character soapbox: You know those 1-800-Bets-Off billboards? I think they’re missing out on an obvious tagline that says, “We bet you won’t call.”

What was the last thing you had to apologize for? Snoring. Which comes and goes. My wife doesn’t get mad, but I still feel bad.

Who’s sorry now? Probably me because I know I’m gonna come home one day to some horrifying breathing apparatus that she’s purchased for me that attaches to my face, and I’m gonna have to wear it.

My recent triumph: I got an old-school, red Kansas City Blades jersey on eBay for, like, $50. Greatest 2 a.m. drunk online purchase ever.