A Rap to My Rap Snacks

BY OWEN MORRIS

So there I was talking with Dimitry at the Valero

Said I need a snack that’s tasty but not much dinero

Dimitry says Owen there’s only one way to go

and that’s with the rap snacks by Lil’ Romeo.

I said, Lil’ Romeo — He’s famous for food how?

And by the way, there no Lil’ — It’s just Romeo now

So come on Dimitry my man, I don’t mess around with you

I just want some chips — preferably barbecue.

Dimitry says Owen before you talk all that smack

You should be sure that you have tasted this snack

And my friend, there is no better yummy

than having Romeo’s “Bar-b-quin’ With My Honey.”

Besides zesty barbecue flavor, you are in luck

for Romeo cares not for the riches and charges only a buck

So I hand Dimitry a dollar and he hands me the snack

I’m staring at Romeo and he’s staring right back.

The chips don’t disappoint, they have the right flavor

Lots of barbecue taste and a little honey to savor

The chips themselves though are quite thin and small

and some chips have too much barbecue and some none at all.

Still, they’re a good deal at that price

So I went back to Dimitry and said those were real nice

But I want a rap snack that has some more pop

More sting, more bling, the official snack of hip-hop!

Dimitry handed me another bag but said buyer beware

To call Yung Joc’s “Sweetn’ Hot Cheese Curls” awful is being more than fair

Imagine a Cheeto but with a fake spicy heat

and then take it and bake it in a pound full of sweet.

Dimitry was right. Yung Joc’s curls were crap

Their flavor was weird and about as fresh as this rap

Even at the hungry office, people passed them by

It’s clear that a dollar for them was a dollar too high.

So what did I learn from my little taste test?

Yung Joc is a crock and Romeo the best.