Your Weekend — For NO MONEY DOWN! This Is Unnecessarily Mean.

STUFF TO DO THIS WEEKEND FOR LESS THAN THE COST OF A DOWN-PAYMENT ON A CHEESEBURGER

If you’re like me, you’re nearly broke enough to consider applying to be Jerry Mazer’s intern and breaking into the subprime cheeseburger loan market. (I just totally squicked myself out even writing that.) Of course, I do have my own milk crate to sit on and, according to my girlfriend, am more than capable of talking in a wheedling, whingey voice. This would not be a paid internship, would it? You’d be sitting on your milk crate outside Barnes & Noble right next to Jerry, so you could totally absorb Jerry Mazer’s Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Non-existent Cheeseburgers, and he would be all hot and sweaty, and people would shout “GET A JOB!” at you all day.