WTF? Heartland’s “Mustache”

There’s a guy who comes into the place I work. He’s this short buff dude who would be otherwise unremarkable except for the fact that he’s unceasingly friendly and rocks the thickest porn ‘stache I’ve seen since Magnum, PI was still on the air. Thus, he is known simply as “Porn Star Mustache Guy” and we tend to giggle like schoolgirls when we see him coming up the sidewalk.

So, it is with just a little bit of confusion that I listen to Heartland‘s newest single, “Mustache,” because I see a mustache as a thing of beauty.

It appears that the lyrics are delivered by a man who does not share my sense of beauty. He cannot understand as to why his former lady has taken up with a new man with a face “straight out of 1979.” Evidently (judging by the band photo you see here), it’s okay to have a goatee or soul patch—but mustaches are right out. He is also remarkably dismissive and mocking for someone singing over what appears to be a half-assed cover of “Jessie’s Girl.”

Take a listen for yourself. Oh, and bonus: if you print out this mustache stamp and take a picture of yourself wearing, and you’re one of the first 200 to send it to “mymustache@heartlandband.com,” you get to be on the album cover.