Why I Did Not Review Melissa Etheridge Last Night at the Midland Theatre

By NICOLE REINERTSON

To: Jason Harper

Subject: Bad News Bears!

I regret to inform you I was unable to enter the *amazing* Melissa Etheridge show with my big camera. We were allowed to use point and shoots, but our tickets were on the fourth level, so the pictures were in the style of something I like to call: Just another blurry dyke in the distance

The theater is SO unbelievably gorgeous though. If you haven’t seen it yet, you’ve got to check it out. So, in conclusion I’ve got nothing for you — except this little nugget:

Question: What’s funnier than a theater full of lesbians swaying and crying, Southern Baptist style, to Melissa Etheridge belting out her super annoying Cancer song?

Answer: I don’t know. Maybe nothing.

Have a good day, sir.