What it’s like to Rock

King Freddie

My will is broken. I have just spent over an hour watching the commercials people sent in to 98.9 the Rock in hopes of winning $20,000 and getting their creation on TV. There are a whopping 300+ commercials on the site as of today. I watched, I don’t know, I quit keeping track after the 19th one I saw — not number 19, mind you, but number 143, in which a longhaired guy in a baseball cap demonstrates what it’s like listening to the Rock by doing a bunch of generic stupid shit, like sticking keys in an electrical outlet and dropping a stereo into the tub while taking a bubble bath. Another “what’s it like to listen to 98.9 the Rock?” ad is 164, in which a guy in a speedo crawls into a box, a bomb is dropped into it with him, it explodes, and the guy crawls out all sooty and removes his googles and gives an “oh yeah” with his eyes look. It’s actually fairly well produced. There’s a pretty good one involving stick figure violence and Metallica at 306. In fact, I’m so dazed by the experience that all I want to do is listen to Metallica. Oh, God, I’ve got to have it now! Metallica— master of puppets —mmrph—and justice for all!!! — Sandman! …ruaaagh!

I just tried to tune in 98.9 to get my Metallifix, but I overshot and landed at 99.6 — whatever that is — and it was playing “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen. Whew, thank God. I’m gay again — and yet still rockin’!