Weekend Events by Al Swearengen, Proprietor of the Gem Saloon

Every day takes figuring out all over again how to fucking live, but let’s assume for the sake of fucking conversation that you’re flush with cash and bored on payday and in blissful disregard, moreover, of other pressing financial responsibilities. Look, then, to the 2007 American Royal Livestock Show at the American Royal Center (1800 Genessee), where you might find diversion amongst your dirt-scraping brethren in the exhibition and judgment of heifer, steer, lamb and goat, Friday through Sunday between 8 in the morning and half-past-6 in the evening.

While we’re on the subject, the Missouri Professional Auctioneers Association Bid Calling Contest starts Sunday at 1 in the afternoon. I guess the fast-talking carpetbaggers didn’t have enough on their fucking plates with the Livestock Show and needed further fucking professional justification for coming to Kansas City.

And I’ll note in passing that, as the American Royal Marketplace is open through Sunday evening, opportunities fucking abound for the exchange of cash for boots, hats, belt buckles and sundry other fucking sartorial embellishments, while meanwhile the stalls of food purveyors offer whatever fucking culinary fancy your caprice should fucking light upon.