We Watch The NBA Playoffs So You Can Avoid Them

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

An NBA team just might someday call Kansas City home. After all, we are one of the largest media markets without a major winter sport, and we recently built the Sprint Center, a downtown arena containing amenities that Kemper Arena lacked (also, the Sprint Center isn’t haunted).

However, there is one problem: We do not deserve a professional basketball team.

After the NBA draft, Kansas City fans treat a former college star’s existence as if that player entered a witness protection program. Royals’ rain delay coverage on FSN (a/k/a “The Best Damn NASCAR Crashes”) draws higher ratings than the NBA’s playoffs, the only part of the NBA season that anyone ever admits to watching.

As a public service, here’s an overview of the teams remaining in the NBA playoffs and why Big 12 fans should care:

The Boston Celtics and Cleveland Cavaliers play in the first Eastern Conference series. The Celtics, led by former Jayhawk Paul Pierce, proving that he has blossomed after the stifling influence of Roy Williams and Jeff Boschee.

Elsewhere in the Eastern Conference, the former champs Detroit Pistons are formidable and face the Orlando Magic, who has Keyon Dooling on their roster, a reminder that Missouri once fielded a competitive basketball team.

In the West, the Los Angeles Lakers finally have surrounded Kobe Bryant with a championship-caliber roster. Texas’ Chris Mihm sits on the Laker bench where he checks out women who also don’t ever appear in a playoff game. They face the Utah Jazz, a team facing immediate elimination if there is a conspiracy to boost the NBA’s television ratings.

In the other Western Conference matchup, the defending champion San Antonio Spurs have won four championships in an almost anonymous fashion. Former KU star Jacque Vaughn plays for the Spurs, where he continues to refuse to shoot open jumpers. They face the New Orleans Hornets, who are led by point guard Chris Paul. KU’s Julian Wright, who opted to play for a NBA championship for millions of dollars instead of a NCAA championship for no pay. Some in Lawrence think he regrets that decision.