Wayward teachers, EMTs and Peruvians brighten the day

The U.S. Attorney’s office in western Missouri issues press releases describing recent indictments and sentencings. Yesterday, for instance, came word that a 22-year-old Kansas City, Missouri, man had been charged with carjacking.

Occasionally, the press office takes the time to describe the accused by their profession (or their crime, if successfully prosecuted). So instead of simply saying that a Lee’s Summit man received 15 years for receiving kiddie porn, the press release will indicate that the future prison-yard punching bag is “a former radio DJ.”

We at The Pitch celebrate this practice. We like information. We also like to be entertained. And for some reason, failure to report the discharge of pollutants into a lake is funnier when committed by “a former public works director for the city of Lake Ozark.”

Here is a list of some of the defendants the feds have brought before judges since April. The locations are in Missouri, unless otherwise noted:

A former taxi cab driver who befriended then embezzled more than $640,000 from a wealthy customer

A music teacher at two Kansas City-area schools

A Neosho man who was arrested following a shootout and a high-speed chase in which two police officers were wounded