Trade Jared Allen, Save the Dining Experience

 

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

Countdown to Old Guys Reading Names to Other Old Guys: An NFL Draft Preview:

Sports Illustrated‘s Don Banks believes the Chiefs may select Boise State offensive lineman Ryan Clady, with fellow SI‘er Peter King concurring that Clady might just be the Chiefs pick.

So with the Time Warner empire touting his selection, let’s take a closer look at Ryan Clady, better known as the “consolation prize of left tackles.”

NFL.com writes a particularly steamy scouting report, citing Clady’s “developing muscle tone” and his ability “to get in the defender’s jersey and lock on.” They are also excited about Clady’s patience and call him “smooth in his movements.” Later, the scouts praise his ability to “sink his hips in order to consistently lock on and ride his man wide.” When Clady’s done, he apparently “fires off quickly, making good body adjustments.”

They also describe him at the end as “a little light in the pants,” which we can all agree is a bit cruel.

Jared Allen to Minnesota, Foodies Mourn

With the defensive end traded to Minnesota, Kansas Citians are in mourning. Allen’s departure threatens not just the Chiefs’ 2008 season, but also could bring to an end to an era in Kansas City culinary history. The Jared Allen Sports Arena and Bar could be at risk, ending a monthlong paradigm shift in Kansas City dining.

Where else in Kansas City provides the subtle understatement of Allen’s place, whose motto is “Wine Em, Dine Em, #69 Em.” Where else in Kansas City may one watch a game on television while eating and drinking?

And the draft watch party at Jared Allen’s? Wow. Awkward.

Kaufmann Stadium: The House That Built C.C. Sabathia’s Summer House

 

Blech.

Indian starter and aspiring sumo wrestler C.C. Sabathia entered tonight’s game 0-3 with a 13.02 ERA, with some suggesting that Sabathia might have a disastrous 2008, costing him millions. Tonight against the anemic Royals: six shutout innings and his first win of the season, possibly turning his season around. His agent should at least send a thank you card.

Tony Pena Jr. Impotence Watch: Tony Pena’s 2008: .132 batting average, .145 on-base percentage, .151 slugging percentage. NL pitchers in 2008: .123 batting average, .161 on-base percentage, .155 slugging average.

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