Toe Away

All you dudes wearing flip-flops: Cut that shit out! I’m sick of seeing your snaggletooth yellow toenails everywhere I go. I have a foot fetish, and I can’t help but look when I see bare feet. Then I see yours and I want to puke. When did flip-flops become socially acceptable footwear for men, anyway? Wearing them at the pool or the beach is perfectly acceptable; but the last thing I want to see at the airport or at the ballgame or, for God’s sake, the grocery store is your pale-ass, chalky, fungus-infested toes. I see your hairy hobbit patches and I just want to stomp all over them. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to run after me? You are wearing flip-flops, dumbass.

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