Three Things I Learned from the Video for “Heaven” by Bryan Adams

By JASON HARPER

1. I don’t remember any of the 413,000 other power ballads that sound exactly like this song.

2. If you’re going to get pulled over for drunk driving while on a date, it’s actually safe to have it happen outside of a theater where Bryan Adams is playing, because if your date wanders off and falls in love with Bryan Adams while he’s singing “Heaven,” the acne-scarred Canadian sex bomb will not be able to steal your date after the show because the door to the outside will be chained shut and there will be a blizzard in the alley.

3. If you’re a man and need to run somewhere on foot, don’t do it while wearing a flappy-sleeved white T-shirt tucked into high-waisted jeans.

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