This Weekend In the Greater Metropolitan Area

In John Updike novels, the characters never go to anyplace real like McDonald’s or Circuit City; they always go to made-up places like “Burger Land” or “World o’ TVs.” That disconnect creates a kind of fictitious fantasy world, like Middle Earth with basketball and suburbs. It’s kind of like putting ironic quote marks around real life, and then adding a bunch of golf and adultery, which is how John Updike books are written.

For the purposes of my argument, Sammy Hagar’s current lineup is kind of like a fictitious John Updike version of an ’80s rock band. Hagar is 60 years old, so he’s an excellent stand-in for Updike, a man clinging to past glories and newly obsessed with his mortality and waning libido.