The Star: your aunt’s festive daily paper

This afternoon’s Kansas City Star homepage fails to reach yesterday’s high watermark of clickbait looniness (when Katy Perry’s GQ-cover cleavage got an awkward serenade from the daily’s saddest layoff survivor celebrity watcher, Lisa Gutierrez), but it’s still a fine exhibit for anyone tracking the paper’s slide from charmingly inept to willfully useless. 

Behold: Ralph Lauren Olympic sweaters! Royals manager Ned Yost and unfunny mustache Jeff Foxworthy killing deer that they’ve named after famous black people! The Power & Light Building under attack by pigeons (and under contract to parties unknown)! Bieberbust! 

Is there something a little newsier, a little more local, along the page’s right rail, perhaps? 

Ah, here we go: Judge Reinhold has decided not to do acting in Overland Park. Also, a woman was assaulted at a bar. And when Katy Perry comes here, you can probably buy a ticket to see her perform. 

What, no school lunch menus? 

No, here’s what’s missing: sports. This is what your daily looks like when there’s no KU or MU game to preview or recap and no new NFL draft speculation in play. If you’d ever wondered how Yost spends the winter, though, this was your lucky day. The answer: in Georgia, hunting. Thanks, Star, for handing your “outdoors editor” an assignment. At least you sometimes give him something to do.