The Jonas Brothers cancel tour, breaking hearts everywhere

If you were planning on seeing the Jonas Brothers at the Midland on Thursday, October 31, we’ve got some bad news. The brothers with the world’s most intense eyebrows have cancelled their epic 19-date tour, which was supposed to kick off on October 11 with a concert in Philadelphia, due to a “deep rift within the band.” 

People broke the news to the world first. Believe me, I am taking this just as hard as the rest of you. In my wild grief, I found this little gem tucked away in YouTube, and it lifted my spirits briefly:

Who’d have thought four years ago that this cute little collaborative group would contain the voices dominating today’s pop airwaves? 

Anyway, the boys apparently had a great big tiff about the direction to take their “music.” You know, whether to continue making shitty songs like “First Time,” which has nearly three million views on YouTube, or to, like, corrupt an entirely different genre, presumably. 

If you are one of the unfortunate many who purchased tickets to the Jo Bros show on October 31, fret not. You can seek a refund at the point of purchase.