The Ida Incident Revealed

A friend faulted me for being “tacky” in my last entry. I was all “What?,” and he was all, “Dude, you made fun of an old black lady who got assaulted in her home,” and then I was all “…Oh.” Honestly, my amusement at the idea of someone being hit by a giant pair of scissors trumped my human decency. I’m a sucker for slapstick, of which I’m sure there will be plenty when I get to hell. Hieronymous knows what I’m talkin’ bout.

Anyway, the whole danged truth just came across my desk: a PDF of the court report, which I ain’t gonna post here because this isn’t The Smoking Gun (and because the police didn’t black out all appearances of the perp’s SSN). I will, however, relay the unpleasant details of the evening’s altercation, in a verbatim retype, with editorial comments throughout.