The Ararat Shrine Blood Drive

You’re probably aware that there are children who go to bed every night in the Appalachians and India and whatnot without enough blood in their veins. Frankly, we’ve seen the gouts of extra blood that spray out of your thumb every time you get a paper cut, and you could stand to “drain the weasel,” if you know what we’re saying. “Drain the weasel” means give blood, right? If not, then substitute the phrase “give blood” in the previous sentence. Because those Appalachian kids aren’t going to last long without any blood.

The Ararat Shrine is sponsoring a blood drive today from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. Be sure to eat a complete Thanksgiving dinner before driving to the shrine, including turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and piping hot dinner rolls and before they insert the needle, you should try to hyperventilate so your blood will be oxygen-rich. If they run this thing the way they should, you’ll get free cookies and an Ararat fez when you’re all done bleeding.

For more information, call Bob Turner at 816-923-1319.

Fri., Sept. 5, 3-7 p.m., 2008