Sweeney’s Sticks Get Some Company

We may have found the reason that Royals slugger Mike Sweeney has too much junk in his trunk. It could be those beer-battered, deep-fried portabella mushroom slices at the sports bar 810 Zone. Served with a side of Cajun dipping sauce, the $6.95 appetizer is called Sweeney Sticks. In recognition of Sweeney’s special sticks, we’ve come up with a list of other foods we’d like to see named after local celebrities.

· Katie Horner Super Blazing Hot Wings: One bite and you realize there’s no reason to be alarmed.

· Dan Glass Po’ Boy Subway Sub: Made with caviar, shaved truffles and ’85 World Series ticket stubs.

· Lewis W. Diuguid White Guilt Mac and Cheese: Served in a get-it-your-damn-self tub.

· Zach Greinke Fried ArtiCHOKEs: Comes with a side of Heimlich Maneuver.

· Jeneé Osterheldt Whipped Cream Tart: A puff pastry filled with empty calories.

· Jerry Mazer Cheeseburger: Here it is, now get off the Plaza.

· Matt Blunt’s Humble Pie: We reserve the right to refuse service to gays.

· Shawn Edwards’ Five-Star, Must-See Popcorn: Tastes like buttered Wayans brothers and pops bigger than Riddick II.

· Kay Barnes Frozen Smiles: An icy piña colada molded in the shape of the mayor’s grin.

· Stan Glazer Sautéed Large-Mouth Bass: Stuffed with forgotten plans for a 50-foot Ferris wheel.

· Trent Green Scrambled Brains: Really good two seasons ago.

· Mark Funkhouser BL&TIF Sandwich: Big slices of white bread and imitation bacon. But it’s cheap.

· Walt Bodine Well-Aged Sirloin: This is served with a side of, um, what were we talking about?

· Larry Johnson’s King Pink Taco: Mmm, now we’re hungry!