Studies in Crap: Beloved real American George Leonard Herter explains How to Live With a Bitch
Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.
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How to Live With a Bitch
Author: Legendary coot George Leonard Herter
Date: 1969
Publisher: Herter’s, Inc., a Minnesota sporting goods outfitter now distributed through Cabela’s.
Discovered at: Half Price Books, Westport
Representative Quotes:
- “Do not establish a nudist camp in your home but keep a natural body exposure around the house on a normal basis. Children, including boys, should see their mother nude wearing external menstrual pads.” (page 3)
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“All facts show that many women have built-in traits to nag, bitch, insult, try to be cruel and try to be demanding. Such traits, of course, cause much divorce. Again a woman is not exactly like a Canadian goose, she does not intend, in the vast majority of cases, to mate for life.” (page 59).
There’s crap and then there’s bullshit.
In the first 50 pages of this pioneering achievement in all-American jack-assery, George Leonard Herter decries the pill as “racial suicide,” insists that logic tells us that the nine unmarried apostles had to be masturbators, claims that men are a fine wine but women a whiskey (“The more they age the worse they get”), and offers this explanation for why the bitches that men marry crab so much:
“Murder through continual stress situations is not difficult for some people. Watch out for this in selecting a mate.”
Once I mopped my blown mind off the tarp I spread about my desk for such occasions, I put the book down and got to Googling. Come to find out, this cranky sumbitch is considered an American treasure.
