Stink Bomb

Hey, you, Abercrombie & Fitch. I don’t mind that you market to teeny-boppers. But do your stores have to smell like them, too? Anyone who has ever finished puberty knows rule No. 1 about cologne: Don’t overspray. But at Oak Park Mall, you can smell the upstairs boutique from the downstairs coffee shop. And at Independence Center, the sickly sweet scent of your cologne Fierce hangs over an entire wing, as if the store had just been hot-boxed. Zona Rosa’s outside locale is worse — the odor carries in the wind like Agent Orange. This brings up rule No. 2: If you can smell it before you see it, it’s either skanky jailbait or roadkill that’s dead and rotting.

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